As Soldiers We Fall
by TheBurningNight
Summary: Set after Lost Souls, Alec hasn't told any one about the break up, until Jace realises that somethings up. The connection of Parabatai is sometimes just too strong.


**A/n: This is set after City of Lost Souls, so the awful has happened. This isn't about weird Jace and Alec coupling, it's about friendship because I think that when Jace or Alec falls, they're there to pick each other back up. Also, this idea has been running around in my head for ages so I thought I'd get it down. **

**Anywho…**

It wasn't hard to feel the pain.

Each time Alec hit the punching bag his nerves screamed out to him, trying to tell his brain that his body was hurting. But Alec didn't care; he wanted it to hurt. He needed it to hurt.

That was the reason that he didn't bandage his hands before, like he usually did. He'd learnt from Jace that when you wanted something to feel painful, you needed to use only your bare hands; like when Jace had smashed the Penhallow's window in Idris.

Alec hadn't let Jace use an Irtaz then and, as Alec's knuckles split from the continuous pounding, he wasn't going to heal himself the Shadowhunter way either.

As he punched, little specks of dark blood left spots on the punching bag, gleaming in the Training Room's light like the patronising stickers Hodge used to put on their papers. The thought only made him want to hit harder, make his muscles strain, make his whole body go numb to block out the hurt.

_Hurt. _

Alec was hurting _so _much. It felt like his heart was folding in on itself, creating a black hole that sucked everything happy that was ever in him. All he had left was the sad.

"URG!" He cried out, wiping away the beginnings of tears with his left hand and punching with his right.

"Urg?", A smooth voice echoed, "How eloquent."

Alec didn't need to think about who the voice belonged to.

"Shut up, Jace." He snarled, shredding another knuckle on the bag.

The bag swung in a wide arch, the chain it was hanging on groaning in protest. Alec could see Jace watching its progress in the corner of his eye, his golden hair standing out in contrast to the pale white of the walls.

As much as Jace was his brother, Alec was starting to feel that his presence wasn't really helping his mood. Alec wanted to be alone, just him in his dark corner where no one would bother him. But that wasn't really an option whilst he was beating the life out of an inanimate object.

"Angel," Alec heard Jace exclaim, "I never knew you had such a good arm. Maybe you shouldn't use your bow all the time."

"I like my bow," Alec grunted, his eyes narrowed.

"Sure, sure, Mr 'Doesn't ever try anything new ever'." Alec could hear Jace's footstep's approaching him from behind. The thick souls of his boots echoed loudly in the Training Room. Alec kept his attention focused on the dark swinging bag in front of him.

His biceps were aching and his knuckles stung each time the bare flesh made contact with the punching bag. Alec drew his arm back to gain momentum and swung at the bag with all his strength. The wide sweeping motion of his arm left smudges of red on the bag. Alec huffed with satisfaction. Just as he was raising his fist to swing again, a strong hand caught his wrist.

"Why are your hands uncovered?" Jace's voice was flat. Alec's stomach sunk.

"Doesn't matter whether my hands are covered or not," Alec replied, twisting around so he faced Jace. Gold eyes stared into blue.

Suddenly, a finger dug into one of the slithers of open flesh on his knuckles and Alec gasped in pain.

"Yes it does," Jace stated, moving his finger, "Your hands look like they've been through a grater."

Alec pulled his hand down to try and break free of Jace's grip, but his Parabatai had an iron hold.

"Let go."

"No."

Alec tried again to break free, but Jace was a much better Shadowhunter than he was. He was younger than him, yet he was still a fearsome opponent. He had been since Alec was 11 and Jace was 10.

"Come on," Alec was trying very hard to keep everything together and not start screaming at Jace. He felt like he was made of threads that were unravelling; like one of his old sweaters, "Don't be a dick."

"For once I'm not," Jace answered without his usual spark of arrogance, "You're hurting yourself. I'm worried."

"Aren't I meant to be the one worrying about you?" Alec asked to try and back himself out of the corner that Jace had backed him into. There were times when he hated having someone so close to him.

"The last time you did this you were 14," Jace continued, ignoring him, "You picked up that old bow in the back of the weapons room and practiced for hours. Isabelle had to pick splinters out of your hands."

Alec didn't say anything; he didn't know how to speak without letting out how vulnerable he felt. It was like his heart had a gash that ripped it in half, and his body couldn't heal it, so each breath he took was like drowning.

"You're hurting," Jace's grip on his wrist loosened, enough for Alec to escape, but, right now, he didn't have the energy. His other hand fell loose to his side and his shoulders curled in upon themselves, "So tell me why."

Alec knew that he should. All logical reasons pointed to telling Jace that Magnus- -

_No_. _Don't think about it. _

But it was too late. The agony hit and he felt like he was being pulled in on himself, like a balloon running out of air.

"Jace, nothing's~"

"I know what it's like," His Parabatai's voice cut through his. Jace's tone was something that rarely coloured his speech; honesty. It was horribly open and revealing, "To hurt so much that you think you'll be crushed with the weight of it. Everything you feel seeps into every pore and leaks out in destruction and anger. You can't see that light that at the end of the tunnel that everyone promised you, because it's all dark. You have nothing to hold on to, no one to pull you through." Jace swallowed audibly, "And it hurts. Real bad." Alec knew that was Jace was talking about Clary. She was the only one who had the power to make him speak with such emotion, "But, Alec, trust me on this, you can't do it alone," He could feel Jace's warm hands on his shoulders, spinning him around so he faced him. His golden eyes were pleading, "So, tell me; _what's going on_?"

Alec hung his head to try and avoid Jace's worried eyes. Inky strands of hair formed a curtain that blocked out the world. All he could to was breath into silence. Jace didn't say anything as he watched his Parabatai try and sew up all the loose threads.

"Magnus," Was all Alec said when he could finally speak.

Jace's demeanour changed in a sudden snap.

"What did that bastard do?" Jace's voice was low and dangerous, "If he did anything~"

Alec's mind realised what Jace was talking about.

"No- Jace-it wasn't anything like that," Jace's eyebrows quirked up; confused.

"Then what…?"

"He, um, Magnus broke-he broke up," Alec was stumbling over his words, "Magnus broke up with me, two days ago. That's why I've been at the institute so often."

Alec didn't know what he expected Jace to say. Something sarcastic? Arrogant? An off-handed remark?

What Alec didn't expect was Jace to pull his hands away from his wrists and pull him into a hug. He was taller than his adoptive brother, but Jace still had his hands at Alec's shoulder blades, crushing him into his chest. Jace was still warm from the aftermath of Glorious, but it was comforting, like a fire on a winters day.

"Alec," Jace said, his voice splitting up the simple word as he cleared his throat, "I'm so sorry."

Alec laughed despite himself and rubbed his watering eyes onto Jace's shirt, "Thanks."

"Angel," Jace's voice was pulling up at the ends. For some reason they were both smiling, little twinges of happiness sparked in Alec's stomach, "That absolute dick. I take back anything nice I ever said about that bloody Warlock."

Alec laughed again, "You never said anything nice about Mag-," He stumbled on Magnus' name, "Magn-_him._"

Jace ignored the way Alec stuttered around his ex-boyfriends name and drew his arms tighter around him. Years of friendship shined through in this one simple moment. A comforting silence fell over the two boys.

Alec broke the silence first, "You're still glowing, did you know that?"

"Yes," Jace's answered with the usual confidence, "Isabelle stopped sleeping in the infirmary bed next to mine because she was pissed that I shone like a nightlight."

"That's selfish of her."

"It _is _Isabelle."

"Well…"

"Don't argue with me, Alec. You know I'm right."

"Oh, Isabelle's the selfish one?"

"I never claimed not to be."

"You actually did."

"Really? When?"

"You were twelve."

"Oh, God. Not this again."

As Alec playfully banted back to his Parabatai, he knew that the hurt was still there. He could feel it tugging at his heart. But as Jace slowly pulled him out of his dark corner, Alec knew that he would always have a scar over his heart where Magnus tore it in two, but Alec could place all his trust in Jace to know when he was going down.

And to help him get back up again.


End file.
